Duty
by I.c.E.d.C.u.P.c.A.k.E
Summary: Companion piece to 'Chosen'. Qui-Gon lets the force have a piece of his mind.


All my life, I have looked to you to guide my actions; I have followed every command, obeyed every prompting, and done my duty to you. And this is how you repay me?

By forcing me to set aside the child of my heart and replace him with a being already half in the shadows?

I don't disagree with you that Anakin should be trained. For such a powerful being to go untrained, or worse, end up in the wrong hands, is a disaster waiting to happen. But to make _my_ Obi-Wan, _my _padawan…my _son,_ be the one to suffer for it?

I've struggled these past twelve years to undo the damage of my repeated rejections of him, but I know that I could spend a lifetime trying to make up for it and he would still never overcome that insecurity I instilled in him. And now, you've made me add insult to injury and practically repudiate him in front of the council when you gave me that vision of darkness.

You knew how I would react; you knew I would do anything to prevent Anakin's turning…but why did it have to be Obi-Wan to suffer? Why couldn't it be me?

Even if I attempted to bridge the gap now, it would do no good. He would never believe me if I told him how proud I was of him…but I guess I can't completely blame you for that.

How many times did I pass up giving him praise just to prevent him from becoming over confident? I can answer that myself; far too many. Before I realized that it wasn't confidence that would be his weakness, but a low self-esteem, we already had a set pattern of interacting. A small nod, a simple 'good job' and perhaps a pat on the back were the extent of my praise…and those only in the best of times.

But oh, if only he knew how proud I truly am of him. If anyone is to carry on my legacy, it is Obi-Wan. He is all that is right and good about the Jedi. A fierce determination to do what is right, a cunning mind and sharp wit, adaptable and quick on his feet, and so loving – oh so loving. I don't think there is a being in the universe with a bigger heart than my Obi-Wan.

If I could redo everything, I would reward his heart with the affection it craved, and more than deserved.

Instead, he believes he is unwanted, that he isn't good enough and perhaps never will be. And nothing I say will change that.

I can see him, standing off in the corner of the room as I take Anakin as my apprentice. I wonder what he is feeling, but can no longer sense him over our bond; it is closed off to me. I know that it will be forever now, as he no longer trusts me not to hurt him.

He must think me a terribly cruel person to dote on Anakin the affection that he craved for so long; but he doesn't understand that if Anakin isn't kept in the light, everything will be lost – including him. I could never accept that. So I must train and love Anakin to protect the one he replaced.

I never would have asked for this – I never wanted this.

I wanted Obi-Wan by my side forever.

That is why I put off his trials for so long. Repeatedly the council has asked me why I hadn't scheduled them, and every time I told them that he wasn't ready. But he was; it was my own selfishness that prevented me from letting him go. I needed him.

He was the one who cast off Xanatos' dark shadow. He was the one who taught me to love and trust again. I would be nothing if it weren't for him. I owe him everything; that's why I couldn't let him go.

But you made me do it. You made me toss him aside and didn't even give me time to prepare him for it. I could have spoken to him – made him understand. But you had to use me.

Well…

You've used me for the last time.

I have done my duty for you.

I will train Anakin, but expect no more from me. After five decades of service to you, I thought I earned more than this. You've made me lose the most important thing in my life. You've taken away my light, and yet still expect me to fight the dark.

I find I can no longer trust in you if this is how you treat us.

* * *

><p><strong>This story has been a long time coming. I've thought about it since I wrote 'Chosen' practically two years ago. But no matter how many times I tried to write one from Qui-Gon's POV, I was never 100% pleased with it. This one, however, I believe captures what I intended him to feel. Regret at how he treated Obi-Wan throughout his apprenticeship, slighted by the force for making him hurt his student, and helpless to fix the situation. If I didn't get those feelings across then I guess I didn't do as well as I thought lol.<strong>

**And, though it's been done multiple times by amazing authors, I am still considering writing a multi-chapter story in this verse...But we'll see. That will have to come after I finish the trilogy I have going on now, and only if you all want it of course. So, let me know what you think. **


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